Sumaya

There are moments in life that you feel the air around you deflate and an otherwise happy or at least neutral moment gets crushed under the weight of reality. They happen to everyone everywhere but I sure feel like they happen a lot more frequently here. Tragedy is just easier to come by in poor countries.
Today we had one of those moments - the kind that will prick sadness inside us whenever we remember. We have been back in Tajikistan for a week now and we headed out to the village to see our Tajik family. For those who are new to this blog - we lived with a local family who knew no English for one month when we first got here. They have become like family to us and we refer to their village as "our village" when we talk about it. They have been so patient with us from the get-go with learning Tajik and learning cultural do's and don'ts. They've also been a great source of counsel when we've needed local advice about situations that have come up in the neighborhood. In our Tajik family's house there is our Tajik mom and dad. We call our mom "Khola-jon" and our dad "Muallim-jon." The kids call them "Moma" and "Bobo" which means grandma and grandpa respectively. We have 5 brothers - the oldest is Rees' age and all except the youngest have kids. The youngest is getting married this spring. There are also two sisters but they live with their husbands and mother-in-laws. The brother Rees is closest with is named Jamshed and he's been a great help with language since we got to Tajikistan, not to mention someone that Rees generally just enjoys hanging out with. His wife's name is Sanovbar and she grew up across the street and hoped she would someday marry Jamshed - isn't that cute? In this household, there are nine kids - not to mention the random nieces and nephews and other grand kids that are over on any given day. When we left for the states - we had four little nieces and nephews that were just barely a year old. We were excited to see all the kids when we arrived today. We knew they'd all grown and I really couldn't wait to see Jamshed's daughter, Sumaya. She's so much like him already - always moving, always taking in her surroundings and just a wiry little thing. I figured she'd probably seem like she'd grown the most and she'd be running around everywhere (she had barely taken her first step when we left). We walked into the gate and kissed all the kids and family and I quickly scanned the ground to see which little ones were running around. I saw the littlest boy, Yakub, and he was walking around no problem. I turned to Sanovbar - still with a smile on my face, happy to see them all again - and asked, "Where's Sumaya? Is she so big now? Is she running around?" and it was like the air froze over.  Sanovbar couldn't say anything and my other sister-in-law said "she left" and made a sign like washing her hands over her face - a sign people make at the end of a prayer and when referring to someone who died. Sanovbar just stood next to me with tears streaming down her face and everyone was frozen - there were no other words to say. All I could do was hold Sanovbar and say, "Oooooooh noooooooo" - I know, no magical, soothing words here, but what can you say when you realize someone's 1 1/2 year old just died? Apparently back in September she got sick like a cold but her mouth turned white and was covered with sores and the cold wouldn't improve. They went to the doctor who gave them a salve for her mouth that helped but told them they needed to have her blood tested. The tests came back showing abnormalities in her white blood cells consistent with leukemia. They took her to the main hospital in Dushanbe (the capital city) and they confirmed the diagnosis and offered some treatment but more or less told them that they just didn't have anything that would cure her. They told them that in America and other countries they are able to do more research and at least offer clinical trials and stuff like that but that there's really nothing much that can be done. The brothers were insistent that there must be a mistake and so they took Sumaya to multiple different doctors but all came back with the same terrible news. They took her home and Moma and Bobo slept right by her all the time. She slowly stopped being able to walk and they kept spoon feeding her water and a little bit of food but she slowly stopped taking it til one day she was just gone. That was just a month ago. There is, as expected, still a great cloud of sadness that hangs over our family and, of course, Rees and I are just now processing all of this. I worked in oncology for 7 years before coming here so I'm acquainted with worst-case-scenarios that happen to good people who are too young, or in their prime, or have just gotten a second chance at life somehow or who are newly retired after working so hard their whole lives and are ready to pursue some new dreams. It's always awful when these things happen and I have to say that you just never get accustomed to it. It's always desperately sad.
I always liked the name "Sumaya" (Soo-mai-YAH) and I remember sitting around talking to my sister-in-laws one day (before Sanovbar was even pregnant with her) and they were asking me what Tajik names I like. I told them for a girl I really like "Sumaya" and for whatever reason they really liked that I liked that name. When she was born, Sanovbar and Jamshed asked the oldest sister-in-law what she should be named and she said, "Sumaya." I definitely didn't hide my approval of that name :). Every child is precious - it's not just a cliche. Sanovbar was so excited to have a daughter and I thought I'd post some pictures of Sumaya here.

Sumaya and her mom, Sanovbar. She was a tiny, fussy, baby - you know the kind that needed to be held and bounced and all that. She was so little, though, that your arms rarely got tired.

I'm trying to get her to fall asleep in my lap so her mom can get some stuff done. This is one of the first times that Hannah came over and kissed a baby just because she wanted to - not because anyone encouraged her too.

Finally starting to fall asleep.

She's just turned one and is still a tiny girl but she's active and makes us all work to get smiles. Holding her made Rees start to want another baby girl.

Emmett holds her every chance he gets. I have another picture where her head is lower than her feet while he's holding her and you can tell she remembers how this guy operates and is unsure.

Traveling by grace

Just try to wake these two up. This is what jet-lag looks like for us :)

I've heard "grace" defined as "unmerited favor." I'm not going to go into any theological discourse on grace and traveling but we feel so fortunate to have experienced great grace during our travels back to Tajikistan. To those of you who prayed, THANK YOU. I don't know why some travels go so smoothly and some don't but this long journey went really well and we are thankful to be back.
It is amazing how much stuff we travel with when we come here from the U.S. We've been to Germany and Thailand (and Rees has been to Turkey) since living here but we are never worried about "overages" in our luggage and we don't pack our carry-ons too ridiculously full when we return from those places. Coming back from the states is another story. There are just so many things that are so nice to have here - spices, crafts, big containers of medicine (this is so American but we love the huge bottles of Ibuprofen, TUMS and the like that you can get at Costco - you just can't find quantities like this anywhere else), decent clothes for the kids (Target clothes look like designer digs compared to what we can usually find here), games and on and on. We are at a stage where homeschool curriculum is going to be taking up more and more room too. This time around it composed about 70lbs of our checked-in luggage weight. I'm hoping that that will become less as tablets and Kindles and such are owned by more people.
With the help of my sister, her new hubby (just aside - we are so happy to welcome Josh into the family!), my brother and my mom, we got all our 7 bags checked in and then took off with our carry-ons full of rocks through security. We made it to our gate while the plane was boarding and the kids sat happily with their Leap Pads while we flew to Las Vegas (weird place for an international connection, huh?). We had plenty of time while in Las Vegas to let the kids run off some steam - they never get tired of those people mover things - and then got on our flight for Frankfurt. About 4 hours into the flight I was thinking, "ugh, this is when I start feeling like this will never end!" but Rees, me and the kids ended up sleeping off and on for 3-4 hours and the rest of the flight just zipped by. We got to Frankfurt and were greeted by Rees' cousin Luci and her husband Uli. They helped us find our shuttle to the hotel and get ourselves and our bags all situated. We ended up being able to keep our luggage in a luggage locker instead of hauling up to our room and Luci & Uli kept us awake (thank you!) and helped us find an inexpensive deli close by. Rees made it til about 6pm and then conked out and the kids and I made it til 7. Hannah woke up at about 11:30 and was wide awake so we gave her a snack and sat her down with her DVD player and Jake and the Neverland Pirates (a favorite in our house these days). Emmett slept til 2:30am and then he needed a snack and such. He was able to fall back asleep by 5 and Hannah by 6 and we all slept until 9 or 10 - not too bad for jet lag. The hotel (which had been completely booked for a few nights) was able to get us a late check out so we took the kids for a swim and got showered and ate breakfast at a leisurely pace and then headed back to the airport (without any surprise charges at the hotel - always a bonus!). We were delighted to find that the Somon Air counter was already open and there was no line. We were dreading having to pay for our 80kg of extra weight in our luggage but were thrilled when the lady checking us in announced that we were over by 11kg and only charged us for that - amazing. We had time to eat lunch and get to the plane (which took off on time - 3 out of 3 planes left on time) which was only about 1/3 full. We had room to stretch out and snooze which is always appreciated. It turns out that there was a huge ice storm in Frankfurt the following day so good thing our plane left on Saturday. We had the most uneventful time getting through passport control in Dushanbe and found that all of our luggage had safely made it. Some of the local workers at the airport even helped us get our bags checked out (an interesting process we've only run in to in the Dushanbe airport) and we were out of the airport within 30 minutes of landing - a record for sure! Our friend picked us up in another friends car and we were somehow able to fit all our bags in and got back to our town, KT, by 5:30am. The kids were thrilled to see the toys and books they had left behind. Hannah had visitors through the day and got right to work making her mud pies with some of the other little girls. They were so excited they couldn't sleep and ended up falling asleep for the night at 4pm (they slept straight through til 4am). We're still in the midst of jet-lag (so you'll have to forgive anything in this post that makes no sense) but have already enjoyed seeing some friends and getting unpacked. To top it all off, we've had really good electricity so far - only a few couple hour cuts. Oh, and though we had some grumpy moments - we were able to not bite each other's heads off - also appreciated :)

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So now it's on to winterizing our place, looking for a house to move into, getting into homeschooling, Rees getting up to speed on the new business all the while trying to be sure to rest. We'll keep you updated on how that's going.

Winter get-away

Rees and I got to spend 3 days in the Cascades, just fifteen miles outside of Leavenworth - just the two of us - recently. It was so much fun! It was the first time we've spent that much time away from the kids (with the exception of Rees' hospitalization in Dushanbe - but I wouldn't call that a get-away or enjoyable). We got to the B&B just in time for a major storm to hit. We ended up getting 2 1/2 - 3 ft (close to a meter) of snow within the first 36 hours we were there. The B&B, Pine River Ranch, provided us with snow shoes and we shuffled through the property while it snowed. I had three inches of snow on my hat by the time we returned. Ironically, the power went out the second day we were there and remained out til we left. Much like our "normal" life in Tajikistan. We instinctively located the candles, lantern and filled the bath tub with water (thinking that in such a remote place, the water may come up via a pump that wouldn't work without power). Thankfully, the gas fireplace still worked. The owner was wondering to himself how they were going to flush all the toilets (because, indeed the water wasn't working). Rees told him that we were leaving a bathtub full of water and he said, "how did you know to do that?" Oh how to explain?
 We are accustomed to shamelessly looking for places to charge our phone and computer so we brought our electronics with us wherever we went and managed to almost watch a whole movie before our computer died. We charged it more in the morning when we went to breakfast and finished the movie in the truck in the Safeway parking lot :)
Suffice it to say, Rees and I still really like each other. Getting away is such a good reminder of that.
Thanks to Nan for watching the kids while we were away. No easy task but she was still on two feet with a smile on her face when we got home.

Leavenworth. I've loved seeing this little Bavarian town dressed up for Christmas since I was a kid.

We saw how hard it was snowing but we were a little surprised at how quickly our truck ended up like this.

After no more than an hour of snow-shoeing.

I've always loved driving on highway 2 in the winter. So beautiful.

We managed to return home with a truck-bed still full of snow. The kids built snowmen in it.

Pics of what we've been up to

We loved spending some time at Lake Chelan in August.

In typical Hannah fashion, she decided one day (when we'd all gotten out of the water and were heading home for dinner) that she was ready to swim without water wings. She was determined and I wasn't going to fight it. So she jumped off the side of the pool and just started swimming. Here she is swimming in the lake.

Rees couldn't wait to get up in the hills and start looking for deer.

The kids were excited to get up in the hills and look for deer with daddy.

Plenty of baths for the cousins. Evan is on the left.

First harvest: a bear. He had jalapeno pepperoni made out of this one and Nan had the hide made into a rug.

We got to visit with some dear friends in Portland just before they moved to Minneapolis. We are so proud of how well they are all doing.

Rees' first deer of the season. From NE Oregon.

He wasn't alone for this one. His devoted wife helped him pack this guy out until 1am.

Rees was excited to give the kids hooves to play with just like his dad had done for him when he was a kid. These Bettinger men are a little odd, but they are on to something. The kids loved them.

Hannah and Brooklyn (daughter of good friends of ours from the Portland days) dressed up like princesses.

Me with some of my childhood friends: Meela, Malaika and Rhea. We actually got away together for a whole weekend! AMAZING!

Hannah and Emmett love preschool. They really enjoyed the field trip to the Salmon Hatchery.

With sun and warm temperatures lasting into October, we got to spend lots of time at parks. This is Lake Washington.

They always have a wonderful time at Laurel, aka: Grandma Peace's, house in Portland.

Strong effort hunting in Chelan but the deer remained safe from these guys this year.

Nanu threw a harvest party for the grandkids.

They bobbed for apples whole-heartedly.

They took daddy's lead and just plunged their whole head into the bucket to get an apple.

Preschool has been a huge blessing. The kids LOVE it. Of course, Emmett's favorite thing to do at preschool is play with cars and trains. He just has more friends to do it with at preschool.

Well, I'll have to post more pics later. Rees was also successful in his Oregon elk hunt (actually, every member of his hunting party was - five guys got five elk and they worked hard for them). Rees had been saying that he just wanted to fill his mom's freezer with meat before we left and I'd say he was pretty successful at that.

Advent in the U.S.

I wasn't sure what I'd think about all the glitz, kitsch, lights, consumerism and hustle-bustle of Christmas time in the states after spending three Christmases in a poor country that doesn't even celebrate Christmas. Turns out, I'm loving all the lights, the Christmas music everywhere, the red and green advertisements in store windows, the decorations everywhere, how easy it is to buy Christmas presents and find baking ingredients and all that stuff. There are some things that I knew I would enjoy - being with family and friends (duh), having ridiculously predictable electricity and water and how easy that makes baking holiday treats (not to mention cooking dinner, heating a house and bathing children), store-bought eggnog, access to any ingredient I so desire, ease of finding gifts for loved-ones (give my creativity a break!) and the feeling that the culture around me is anticipating the same thing. In the Pacific NW in particular, we may each celebrate Christmas differently and for different reasons, but there's still the feeling that most of the people around you are getting ready for Dec. 25th for some reason or another. I'm LOVING being able to go to church during advent. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally a believer in the church is people not a building, but there are people gathered at so many buildings called churches here and it's so wonderful to be able to worship together and be in an environment where there are a lot of people meditating on the coming of Jesus. I just have to put a plug in here for John Piper's poems on the Desiring God website. Really moving. Here's a link to one about the innkeeper of the "no room in the inn" inn in case you've never heard it.
 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/poems/the-innkeeper-original-1986
The kids are loving Christmas-time here too. Everywhere we go Emmett says, "look mommy! Christmas things!" Costco is one of his favorite places right now because of all the decorations that are out. He doesn't realize that they're all for sale. He's just enjoying what he's seeing. I guess that's what I'm doing too. Sure, there's plenty of criticism for the "over-done-ness" of the holidays in the U.S. but why focus on that? We're just going to keep enjoying what we see and hear and make the most of our holiday season here. 

Some of the things I'm looking forward to...

Now it's time for a list (though not exhaustive) of the things I'm looking forward to while we are in the states (and already experiencing some of while here in Germany). First, I forgot to mention a something that I'll miss while we are away from our home in Tajikistan - being able to walk a block or two to the store. I definitely do NOT miss having to pack the kids into and out of a car just to go buy yogurt, bread and noodles. We can walk a block in any direction from our front door, without even crossing a busy street, and reach a store that has most anything we need. I have really appreciated this. Now on to what I'm looking forward to:
- Seeing family and friends - it's been almost 3 years (2 years and 10 months but who's counting?) since I've seen any of my siblings and my dad, not to mention my dear friends and relatives. This is what I'm most excited about but I suppose that goes without saying.
- Hot showers whenever I want and being able to fill a bathtub to bathe the kids - they'll love that.
- Predictably running water and electricity and the ease of life that these things provide. Just try going a day without running water - you can't even flush your toilet without it. It's probably one of the most essential but easy to take for granted things in the western world (this is just my opinion - no research to back that statement up).
- Anonymity. It can really wear me out having so many eyes watching my every move, asking where I'm going, what did I get, how much did that cost and being such an anomaly. I love to walk down the street and blend in, not have a single person look twice at me.
- Food. Snacks (hello granola bars that I didn't have to make!). Broccoli, greens, blueberries, grapefruit, multi-grain everything, pasteurized homogenized milk, soy milk, fish, boneless skinless chicken breasts, guacamole, nut butters that I didn't have to make, hummus that I didn't have to make from scratch, all kinds of ready-made stuff, Butter Finger, etc, etc, etc. That said, when we do live in the states again I'll be way more likely to use dried beans and occasionally make my own tortillas - just while we're visiting I'm totally going for the canned beans and store-bought tortillas.
- Being able to run and do whatever exercising I want to. I can't wait to get up into the mountains!
- Clean air.
- Not having to wash off our shoes multiple times a day d/t dust or mud.
- Parks and associated play areas.
- Wearing a swimsuit when I swim as opposed to Rees' clothes or a long dress with pants. I never thought I'd so eagerly look forward to wearing a swimsuit but I love to swim and to not have so much heavy fabric wrapping around me when I'm in the water will be wonderful.
- More direct communication - yes means yes and no means no. I feel pretty comfortable with social cues and communication in the U.S. and I really appreciate it.
- Laws that the general public follows and policemen that don't try to extort us but honestly try to just enforce the law. I know there are exceptions to this everywhere but in Tajikistan people drive however they want all the time and police don't stop them unless they feel like it and think they can get money out of you - even when you haven't broken the law.
- Nice dogs.
- Good roads.
- Speaking English and hearing a lot of English.
- Being in our home church communities - although I do think it's kind of cool that our kids think that church is a gathering of people in someone's home who are sharing life together.
- Going to a movie.
- Going to a restaurant.
- Dish washer.
- Dryer.
- Not having to vacuum once or twice a day. Just once a week or spot cleaning.
- Rain that doesn't turn everything outside into a mud pit.
- The library.
- Dates with my husband - with so much family and trusted caregivers around we can leave our kids w/ someone without much mental angst.
- The security of 911 and quality healthcare. Now again, I know there are exceptions to everything but believe me - even with its flaws, healthcare in the states is SO much better than in Tajikistan.
- Having partnership in marriage and child-rearing be the norm, not an anomaly.
- Free press.
- Even with the extremes that politics have taken, just the fact that there will be an election where the votes are all counted is amazing.

There are so many other things that I am looking forward to while being home in the PacNW and there are other things that I think may be a challenge because there's a part of us now that is Central Asian, but I think this list is a good compilation for now.

We arrived in Germany yesterday morning and are staying here with Rees' cousin, Luci and her family til Thursday when we'll fly from Frankfurt to Seattle. That brings up another thing I'm looking forward to - airports that have signs for things (ie: "entrance" "baggage claim" etc) and where there are rules and systems. We are really enjoying our time in Germany and are so thankful to have a little break in our travel in such a loving and peaceful home and are looking forward to seeing everyone very soon!

What I'll Miss...

We will be in the U.S. in less than two weeks but we'll be leaving here in 7 days. I remember the days when I worried about a 5+ hour plane ride with small children and though I'm not really excited for the traveling process - I'm feeling really fortunate for how we get to go. We take a direct flight from Dushanbe (Tajikistan's capital) at 3:40am next Saturday (we'll leave our apartment in our city at 11:45pm Friday night to get to the airport a couple hours early) and we fly for 5-ish hours to Frankfurt where we will actually just get off the plane and stay with Rees' cousin and her husband in Kahrlsruhe for almost 6 days before getting on another direct flight on the 16th from Frankfurt to Seattle (supposedly lasted 10-ish hours). I can't imagine just taking one flight at a time. It's been so long since we've boarded a plane, flew somewhere and simply got off and didn't have to make a connection or entertain the kids during a layover or whatnot. I have to say - they are excellent travelers. We have certainly had our miserable moments but for how young they were when we started all this traveling stuff - we can really only be thankful for how well they do. Thank the Lord.
But that's all beside the point :). I wanted to just make a list of the things I'll miss while we're away from Tajikistan (although, I think we'll just be so happy to be in the states with many of our loved ones that we won't REALLY miss all these things too acutely):
- inexpensive and yummy fruits and veggies in season (I've been buying summer apples for about 80 cents for a kg - 2.2lbs, cucumbers for about 40 cents a kg)
- not having to heavily schedule everything because the culture is really present-minded
- fresh bread out of the tandoor or oven
- neighbors
- our Tajik family and village - the kids LOVE helping their bobo (grandpa), moma (grandma) and aunties with the chores: milking the cow, digging up potatoes, planting seeds, sweeping the yard, washing dishes and anything else they can find in the outdoor spicket. We usually sit around on their outdoor cot (platform) under the grape vines and talk and laugh at the kids.
- Our dear friend and language helper, Gulzira and her family
- lots of neighborhood kids for the kids to play with and lots of dirt for them to "cook" stuff out of
- our AMAZING team here who have become a second family to us
- the temperate fall evenings when the kids can play outside and the women side outside and chat
- the simplicity of our lives
- the culture of hospitality
- using certain Tajik words and phrases that just seem to fit what I'm trying to say better than English does
- the clear purpose we live with here (not that we can't live with purpose while we're in the U.S. but there's just more things that can crowd it out or make it cloudy)

I'm sure that there are more but those are the ones that come to mind and frankly, I wanted to get them listed before I made a list of what I won't miss :). Or maybe a better way to put it is the things that I'm looking forward to in the states.