I am extremely happy to report that there is a public pool within a 5-minute walk (5 min w/ kids, stroller, towels, floaties, etc) of our apartment. It’s actually even a decent pool – good size, rectangle, water drained and pool cleaned once a week, fresh frigid mountain water added, even a little chlorine added for hygiene (at least I’m told there is a little chlorine in there – can’t smell it though). There’s no shallow area, but you can find different types of floaties pretty easily here (still haven’t found water wings). We can go swimming for the equivalent of 45 cents for our whole family (and I thought Portland Parks and Recreation was impressive!). Needless to say, we go to the pool often. It’s amazing that it can be somewhere in the range of 108 degrees and once we go swimming we get out and actually feel like it’s a pleasant temperature out. We are so thankful for this unexpected blessing of the pool close to our home.
The other day we were at the pool and I was struck by the disparity in expectations of modesty for men and women. There really aren’t any women who go swimming. It’s generally almost 100% men (until Hannah and I show up J). I always swim with huge shorts and t-shirt on over my swimsuit. Jenny says I look like a tomboy in my swim outfit. When I’m done swimming I very discretely put my kurta back on (the Tajik dress and pants we wear here) still over my swimsuit. Now the men on the other hand swim in their underwear and when they are done just strip naked on the side of the pool and get dressed. I also must mention that the pool isn’t walled in or anything, you can look in at it from the busy street. One of the main reasons that women don’t go swimming at the pool is that it’s not decent for them to do so. It’s only semi-permissible for me to go because I only go with my husband and kids, I wear this tom-boy swim outfit and I’m a foreigner so the expectations of me aren’t the exact same. But I’ll tell ya, some of these HOT days I think about how unfair it is that all these men just head to the pool and get cooled off and the women are stuck where they always are – at home working, sweating up a storm. I will confess that it has been satisfying to me to see the surprised look on some of these men’s faces when I step to the edge of the pool to jump in. I’m occasionally asked, with some degree of shock, if I’m able to swim. I love to point to Emmett and say, “Of course! I’ve been swimming since I was his age!” and then jump in. It compares to the looks we get when I’m with some of the other foreign women in a car with one of them driving (most women can’t drive).
I also want to not only lament the lot in life of most Tajik women, but also praise them for being absolutely AMAZING. Most 10 year-old girls here could probably teach what used to be home-ec in school. Most women rise before the sun comes up, sweep their driveways, patios and yards, get breakfast started, often make dough for bread, serve their families breakfast, wash dishes, then sweep and clean every room of their home, including folding up the korpuchas they slept on. Most rooms in a Tajik home are spotless with very little inside. Seriously, a rug on the floor, maybe some sort of armoire or chest and possibly a TV. Then they start the mid-day meal, which is frequently hot, served with salad and bread and possibly fruit (candies, cookies and nuts and such if there are guests), do the dishes and clean that up and if they are lucky, they get to take a nap. I frequently see the women at this time of day cooking their bread in the tandoor or canning whatever is in season. They make jam, the equivalent of salsa, pickles, regular canned fruits, juice (or compote as they say) and whatever else they can think of (our Tajik family cans a lot of hot peppers). I also see them washing their family’s clothes either in the morning or at this after-lunch-time-of-day. Then they sweep outside again, make the evening meal (generally something simple), serve their families, clean up, put out their beds (korpuchas) get water heated up for their husbands (and once a week their kids) to take a bath and go to bed. Most of them also know how to sew and in the village they are also gardening, milking the cow and taking care of the chickens. Amazing. Now the men? If they are not working outside the home (the economy here stinks – if they heard our worst unemployment numbers in the states they would think we must have gotten our numbers mixed up – how could 12% unemployment be bad?). They get up when they feel like it, get served their breakfast, put on the clean clothes that are waiting for them, maybe do a few chores around the yard (fixing a roof, hoeing a portion of the garden, washing the car, etc), watch TV, eat lunch, take a nap, watch more TV, go out and hang out with their friends doing who-knows-what (Rees would have to fill in the blanks here) come back for dinner, sit around talking, maybe watch more TV, maybe go out with their friends again, take a bath and go to bed.
It’s for this reason that Rees is so intriguing and such an anomaly. He’s strong (i.e.: he doesn’t seem like a push-over, he’s a good soccer player and he can communicate with passion and conviction) but he also actually wants to help me with some household tasks, spend time with his kids, enable me to go out without the kids sometimes, and actually asks me what I think about certain things before he makes a decision. He even says thank you to me for everything I do for our family. I doubt that even 1% of Tajik women will ever be thanked by the men in their families for all the work they do in their lifetimes. If I pour Rees some coffee or tea he says thank you, most men here toss their cup to a woman and if they say anything, say, “pour me tea.” I’m so thankful for my husband and it’s amazing to me that he’s making a difference here just by treating me with respect and love.
Well, I’ve had this blog entry steeping in me for some time so there you have it. The next time you go swimming in a public swimming area – take a look at the ratio of men and women and think about us here in Tajikistan and the many other countries that are so similar (and even more conservative) all over the world.
