The right place at the right time

Jenny and I went to visit Laura's neighbor's little girl in the hospital on Saturday. She's three years old and has Guillan-Barre syndrome (progressive profound weakness that moves its way up the body, occasionally affecting the diaphragm enough that a person must be put on a ventilator - usually eventually completely resolves on its own - you can look it up online :). Since we have active polio in this area of the country everyone has been telling this little girl's mom that she has polio or some infection. Thanks to Laura's hard work of educating the family and calling in every connection she has and thanks to this little girl's stubborn and smart mom - she's doing pretty well. She can't walk or sit up on her own very well but she's able to feed herself and can push against your hand with her foot a bit. Her mom's foot got ran over by a taxi a few weeks ago (talk about adding insult to injury) and she ended up with her heel somewhat detached and a nasty open wound. She's also a single mom. So she's been hobbling around, carrying her seemingly newly paraplegic 3 yr old daughter in a land where people "comfort" you behind your back (and to your face) saying that it's your fate. Sound comforting?
somon, aka: about $2.70. As we left, he asked Laura if there were any programs that bring a doctor from a developing country like Tajikistan to a more modern country like the U.S. for more medical training. He told her that he recognizes that they are limited in what they know and without the help of the government or anyone else, they'll just continue to sit there, not doing much different. We all really admired his humility and eagerness to learn more, not acting like he already knew everything he needed to. If anyone knows any programs like that, please let us know. As for S, I really think her foot will heal well. This doctor told her he'd continue to do her wound care while she was there with her daughter. I'm so thankful for how that day and that visit worked out and that Jenny and I were there and that Laura suggested we look at her foot. She seriously could have lost her foot but God put everyone and everything into place for her to get the treatment she needed. As for S's daughter, she is at the peak of when the Guillan-Barre syndrome should be at its worst and will hopefully be starting to improve. S is a very attentive mom and is using her common sense, keeping her daughter upright a lot so pneumonia doesn't set in, doing range of motion exercises with her, moving her position a lot so she doesn't get bed sores. If I was S, I would have been having a major pity party. So though the state of the medical systems here are atrocious from a western standpoint, there are some real gems working here and some remarkable parents who are advocating for their children.

My mom's visit

It still seems surreal that I just got to have my mom here for a visit. She arrived June 16th (at 3:20am - it's such a long journey!) and left on June 27th (at 5am - not many flights arriving or leaving at desirable times here). Rees and Troy went to pick her up (thanks guys!) and she arrived with all her bags (mostly full of things for us) at our house just before 6am. I probably woke up every hour that night, thinking about where she was and how close was she getting. It was wonderful to be able to give her a big hug in person and we all decided that while the kids were still asleep (they stayed asleep until 8:30!) that she and Rees should try to get some sleep themselves. I tried to keep the kids occupied and at least somewhat quiet so they could sleep. When my mom woke up she opened the door and there were Hannah and Emmett staring up at her. Hannah didn't miss a beat and said, "oh hi grandma" as if she sees her every day then she hugged her and quickly decided that they should color together. Emmett was a little more reserved but quickly warmed up to "mm-ma" saying, "mm-ma, watch, watch!" before every little stunt he could think of doing. The kids and grandma baked cookies and a cake while she was here - we have some very happy pictures of this. We also went to the big bozor twice, took the kids to the play place, had a party at our house with the neighbor ladies, had a mini birthday party at the English Club (where Rees teaches) teaching a group of students the about the differences in how we celebrate birthdays in America compared to Tajikistan. We went out to our Tajik family's house in the village, had dinner at Gulzira and Hirulo's house, had a dinner picnic at the river and had another evening that a friend of mine came over for dinner and my mom showed us a new, easy dinner to make. She also got to share some practical tips with Gulzira and Hirulo about making and following a budget (upon their request) and it was encouraging to see her skills as an accountant being put to use with immediate reward (they love the idea of the envelop system and thought it was a really good idea to first be in agreement with each other). At the end of the week, we headed up to Varzob (the mountains) and spent two days at a place that we'd been to before, next to a river (thankfully walled off really well) and went swimming in the pool and let the kids play on the toys. Troy, Jenny, Myles and Keats joined us at that point and then we spent two nights (2 days) in Dushanbe, staying at a beautiful hotel (not a common occurrence for us :), enjoying the lovely surroundings, good air conditioning, the botanical gardens and a couple of restaurants. Once again, the Indian Restaurant wins out as the best this time. It is hot in Tajikistan right now and my mom did great. Rees was sick the entire time with both some kind of bronchitis and a worsening gut problem (which, is thankfully now much improved) and I had a nasty cough/wheeze (that unfortunately how now turned into a fever as well as head congestion) but there's something so comforting about being sick and having your mom around, even at 33 yrs old. We had all kinds of fun but it was the "normal" things that were the most special for me - waking up in the morning with the coffee made and someone to drink it with (Rees drinks coffee but he's not a morning person so I usually make it and drink it alone and save him some). We stayed in our pj's much longer than we normally would have, just talking and drinking coffee and together attending to the kids. It was wonderful to have another adult with me through the day to talk to, to help watch the kids and read books and draw with them, to brainstorm what to make for dinner with and then to hang out with once they went to bed (Rees included in this, of course :). We were usually so tired that we only a few times managed to stay up much past the kids. I'm still going to bed with them now, actually. Don't know when the next time I'll actually see a clock that says anything later than 9pm. It was great for us to be able to show her our lives here and know now that she'll be able to put a picture, sound, face or smell to the stories we tell her from here on out and that when we return to the U.S. any odd behaviors that we or our kids exhibit she'll probably understand. So here are some pictures of from her visit. Also, I put an album on my FB profile if you'd like to see more.

Prayer

I’m so thankful for prayer. It doesn’t cost anything, can be done anywhere and in any way and is such a great alternative to just getting bogged down with discouragement or cynicism – which we all know is all to easy to do. Being the touchy-feely type that I am I am certainly a fan of not avoiding your emotions, of being honest with yourself and God, of just letting the sadness out when you’re sad and all that stuff. But I’m so thankful that we can do all that being sad and mad and elated and flat in the presence of God and that once we let out all those feelings or vent or whatever we want to call it, that we can talk with God, bring our concerns to Him, knowing that He’s got a much bigger perspective and lot more power to do something than we do. I’m reflecting on all of this right now because I’m totally wiped out, hot, our electricity has been out all day and most likely when it returns our water will be dry. My mom left yesterday morning (after a wonderful visit – I’ll post pics!) and I’m sick of all the energy it takes just to live in a developing country but I’m realizing how great it is that I can be laying down, not “doing” a ton but at the same time, in prayer, doing a whole lot. Even when I don’t feel a ton of faith or emotion while praying, I’m just so thankful that I can talk to God. The country we live in is quite corrupt and most people don’t trust anyone (and unfortunately they have good reason). Just yesterday we were driving home from Dushanbe and got stopped (in the middle of nowhere, in the blazing sun, in a car without air-conditioning, in the middle of the day, with two kids red-cheeked asleep in the back)  by a policeman who just wanted to extort us. He lied saying we were driving 91 km/hr and both Rees and I had seen our speedometer and he wasn’t even going 70. Did I mention that Rees and I have had a really bad bout of bronchitis and Rees has had a terrible stomach bug? He mustered up all the anger at the corruption he has here and yelled at the policeman, “You are full of lies and sin! It’s because of people like you who punish people who obey the law that this country is remaining so poor! You should be ashamed of yourself!” He also related a story from a few weeks ago where he had been stopped on the same road for not wearing his seatbelt but he had been wearing his seatbelt. He told that particular policeman that he was lying and that he’s an American and Americans have the habit of always wearing their seatbelts.  He told him he was tired and mad that the law doesn’t make a difference and that they should punish people who are actually breaking the law, not lie and try to punish people who are obeying it. The other policemen around him cut in to try to calm Rees down and one noticed the shirt he was wearing and asked if he played futbol (soccer) and once Rees said that he did, he just sent him on his way.  This is a bit of a tangent but I couldn’t help but think today when our electricity went out (and stayed out) that the rich of the city surely have electricity and the rest of the population, who are just surviving day to day don’t. Then I realized that while I’m sitting here, feeling exhausted, wheezing and coughing and blowing my nose, stuck inside (while Emmett is taking a nap) that there’s nothing stopping me from praying. So I’m praying that the crooked government will be made straight, that they won’t pool all their resources for themselves but put the people’s money into things that actually benefit them (not into making the world’s largest flagpole – but that’s a different entry). A change of heart has to happen. So that’s the bee in my bonnet right now and ironically the electricity just came back on. I’m going to turn on the a/c now but I’m not going to stop praying.

What mismatched shoes can reveal about worldview

Hannah has started choosing her own clothes and shoes to wear most days. She usually does a good job, occasionally picking out two skirts and tights and no shirt but for the most part choosing a top and bottoms of some sort. I can't believe how big she's getting! In Tajikistan, like many other parts of the world, you take off your shoes when you go inside a home. This can be kind of labor intensive when they're really little and you feel like all you're doing is taking kids' shoes off and on but once they're a little older it's remarkable to see how quickly they learn to put on/take off their shoes (and how quickly their mom learns to get them slip-ons). Lately Hannah puts on one blue flip-flop and one pink plastic slip-on with a bow. She's a pretty spirited little one and we learned early on to choose our battles so I always let this one go. It's interesting though what EVERYONE tells her when she goes outside dressed this way. They all say (and I'm not exaggerating, every local person who comments on her shoes says this), "You put on two different shoes! Everyone will laugh (at you)! That's an embarrassment." Some like to add that wearing two different shoes ugly or they like to show her how their own shoes match and tell her that she should put on matching shoes. Now no one is screaming at her, they are all saying this with mock shock (or real shock) and mostly with singsong or at least normal tones of voice and all are "helping." I've blogged before about "shame vs. honor" cultures - of which Tajikistan is one. Behavior is shaped based on how it affects the whole community - with little regard for the individual. I'm not saying individuals don't matter, but the whole - the family, the community - is more important. If we were in America I'd probably hear comments more like, "Oh she must be dressing herself these days, huh?" which would probably lead to some story-swapping centering around the budding independence of our kids. It's more an "independence-marker." In the U.S. independence is a high value and doesn't it seem that there are a kazillion books that are more or less telling you how to make your kid independent (get them to sleep through the night ASAP, get them to get rid of the breast/bottle ASAP, get them confident so they can achieve, make friends, get a life of their own someday, etc.). I'm not dogging these, I just thought it was an interesting observation in the differences between how a "guilt-innocence" culture (the U.S. - you know, do the right thing) contrasts with a "shame-honor" culture (the right thing changes depending on what's currently best for everyone). I don't think Hannah would ever be told in the U.S. that everyone will laugh at her and that it's an embarrassment that she put on mismatched shoes - especially not in Portland! You may wonder what I say to these neighbors, friends and strangers who comment on Hannah's shoes. I tell them that it was her desire to put her shoes on this way, that I'm thankful that she can put on her own shoes and that I only argue with her over things that I think are really important, that it doesn't hurt anyone if we walk to the store or hang out outside with mismatched shoes. You may also wonder what Hannah does. She looks at them, usually having already greeted them, looks at their shoes (which they've usually pointed out match) and looks back at them like, "and you're telling me this because?..." gives a little shrug and walks away looking for rocks or sticks or other outdoor treasures. I love that about her, she isn't rude (though we know she could be) she just knows that things like matching shoes when you're playing in the dirt don't matter and she doesn't let it get to her. She's proud of making her own decisions - since she's the daughter of American parents who are raising her to be independent :)

Has it really been 3 months?!

I'm a bit embarrassed at how long it's been since I've last blogged. It's not that I haven't thought about it, I just haven't been inspired in the moments I've had available. I can always write about the kids I suppose but then I thought that anyone who actually reads our blog would get bored (except the grandparents). Don't get me wrong, I think they are perfectly amusing and incredibly fun but I'm under the assumption that people want to hear about life in Tajikistan as well. I'm just going to write about whatever comes to mind for a bit so that another 3 months doesn't pass by without a peep from me.
I understand that the biggest news in the U.S. is that bin Laden has been killed. You'd think that living 110km from the Afghan border might warrent some excitement over this here but you'd be wrong. I actually heard about it in references on Facebook and Rees and I finally read some headlines a few days later. I'm not going to use up space to give any thoughts or opinions on that necessarily (I'm quite opinion-less on that actually. It's more like a fact that I don't need to process beyond just taking in the information) I do want to say that no one here is talking about it. It's not an eerie silence, either - it just doesn't seem to interest anyone. Now the tornadoes and floods that have been happening in the U.S. and the unusually cold winter and spring there has everyone interested. In fact, it's our local friends and neighbors that have kept us updated on what's been happening in the U.S. and they are all struck by how tragic all these storms and whatnot have been. Ask someone if they heard that bin Laden was killed and they say something to the effect of, "oh yeah, I heard that." One of my friends said, "Isn't it a lie? Haven't they been saying they got him for a long time?" Some of our family/friends have asked how this news has affected us living here and it really hasn't affected us and I'm not sure how/if it will. The continued unrest in the Middle East and North Africa hasn't affected us either, though many local friends shake their heads and just thank God that there's no fighting here (the civil war here ended in the late '90s and no one wants to see more fighting any time soon). Around the tandoor outside (clay oven for cooking non - bread) the women frequently comment to me about how peaceful it is here and they want to make sure that I tell my family that. So there you have it everyone - it's peaceful here :)
On a totally different note - I really have to go on record to say that having kids that are 4 and 2 years old is WAY different than having a 3 and 1 year old. I'm a huge fan! I can't believe how much more I'm enjoying my kids TOGETHER now than I was a year ago. It's such a sweet time. We still have our tussles over discipline and such and Emmett is super curious and ALWAYS into everything and can be pretty exhausting but they are at such cute ages. I can't believe how much Hannah is growing up and slowly slowly we are moving out of everything being a power struggle and she's becoming more helpful and cooperative. I didn't know if I'd survive parenting such a spirited child even 6 months ago, but we're starting to understand each other better and she's finally decided that it's not such a bad thing to help out. She is enjoying Emmett much more now too and he's starting to talk (of course, only she, Rees and I can understand him) which is fun for her as she teaches him new words. They actually play together now (fights included) and can keep each other occupied for up to 20 minutes or so - of course, not when I try to initiate that but I'm not going to be picky :) I find myself enjoying them more than being drained by them most days and I'm so thankful for that. It's an answer to prayer really as I'd been praying that I'd be able to really enjoy my kids - thank you God.
On another totally different note - I'm sick of rats. They're disgusting. I think we've caught 7 in the last year and I'd much rather catch mice than rats. We have these glue trap things - do you know what I'm talking about? It looks like a thin, hardback children's book and you open it up and lay it out flat and there's glue on both sides - no poison, just glue. We caught the first 2 or 3 rats w/ just the glue trap but then the 3rd (or maybe 4th?) was just way too smart for us. S/he also liked chocolate - I'll let you guess how we figured that out. We tried multiple glue traps and he (I'll call him a him though he was probably a she as I just doubt that boy rats are as clever as this one was) and found one just covered with eaten up and spit out plastic bags (he was just walking all over that thing!). Next Rees put a traditional rat trap under our sink with something to bait the rat (cheese or bread or something) and we found the bait gone in the morning but the trap hadn't gone off - he knew it wasn't set right. The next day we set it correctly and that night there was poop by the trap but he hadn't touched it. That's the night we found half-eaten chocolate wrappers and figured out what this rat was interested in. Finally, we set a glue trap with a big fat chocolate in the center and we finally got him! We've caught many more with chocolate since then. Just a few days ago we caught another one. This one had the gaul to run behind me in the kitchen in broad day-light and into the bathroom. It was a good size rat too (yuck!!!). We set a trap in the bathroom after the kids went to sleep (with chocolate of course) and sure enough, we caught it! I'll fess up here and say that previously I just threw the rat in the trap out the window but now we know our downstairs neighbors better and they have a granddaughter just a year older than Hannah who plays outside under said window and I just thought about what I would want if it were my kid playing outside (I wouldn't want her to be curious and open the trap and get her hand stuck in the glue with the rat). So, I put on a heavy-duty glove, peeled the rat off the trap by the tail and tossed it outside. YUCK, YUCK, DOUBLE, TRIPLE, QUADRUPLE YUCK! I thought a cat would be able to dispose of a rat who was no longer on a trap a little easier but I have to say that I don't think I can do that again. I also don't want a half-live rat stuck to a trap hanging out in my garbage can either so I don't know what I'll do. I thought we had another one this morning but turns out it was decomposing cauliflower (the stuff doesn't stay good for more than maybe 2 days!) - also quite disgusting but much easier to get rid of. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.
Well, that's my random post for now. I hope to be inspired again soon.

Still winter

I'm still a NW girl at heart - it starts raining and I feel excessively happy, BUT, here that happiness quickly deflates when I step outside into what seems to be a never-ending mudpit. There's just so much dust here that when it actually rains (which isn't that frequently) it turns to insta-mud. That said, we are really enjoying a little colder weather right now. It was still in the 90s during the day-time through late October and there are still leaves falling from the trees and here we are in February. We've had one big snow - conveniently timed for when Troy & Jenny Ready and their family returned here. They must have brought it from Spokane :) We've had some alternating really cold and semi-cold weather since then but I know that before we know it, spring will be here and soon after that - the ridiculously hot weather. So for now, I'm enjoying not sweating profusely and eating soup and drinking hot tea in cold weather (as opposed to eating soup and drinking tea in hot weather - which we also do).
It's been a while since I posted pics of the kids so here they are. Hannah is 2 months away from turning 4 and is just as fun and spirited as ever. She both keeps us on our toes and keeps us laughing. Emmett is almost 20 months and is trying his best to talk. Some words are easy to understand others we still don't understand. He's picking up a mixture of English and Tajik. He adores Hannah and tries to copy most everything she says and does. He's also become quite accomplished at pushing her buttons. He's a really snuggly little guy (he's in my lap as I write this) and it doesn't take much for him to melt our hearts. He's a busy little fellow right now (aren't all toddlers this age?) and we really can't, or shouldn't, take our eyes off him. Hannah has nick-named him Moyer the Destroyer and Rees and I call him Kunjkovjon "koonj-kove-jone" which more or less means dear curious. He loves playing with cars and kicking a ball around (like someone else in the family? :)

 Enjoying the first snow. Unfortunately, that night Hannah came down with a fever and all four of us ended up with a terrible flu. I was really glad I got the kids outside before we all were stuck inside.

 Kids love boxes. I'm pretty sure it's universal.

 Hannah loves watching Tajik concerts with our Tajik family in the village. The best is when I catch all the little girls up dancing together.

 Emmett loves when daddy gives him a bath. I hear all kinds of singing and rapping and splashing going on when Rees is the bath guy.

Hannah anticipating the bubbles coming out of the bubble gun that Reed sent Emmett for Christmas.

Can't help feeling giddy

For the first time in I don't know how long, I feel giddy. I've already been to visit 4 families today and now both of my kids went down for naps AT THE SAME TIME. Rees is out visiting with a friend and I'm home alone in an already clean house. I've actually turned out all the lights and am pretending to not be home (sometimes you have to do that but even then if someone is convinced I'm home and just not answering they'll still knock non-stop for 5 minutes before giving up :) Some may think this is hardly a reason to be giddy but I can't stop this happy feeling from bubbling up from inside me. I think most moms can understand. It's really hard, sometimes it seems impossible, to find a little quiet alone time. I thrive on quiet time to myself. Just ask my husband a few hours from now and he'll describe a different woman than the wife he saw before he left. I have a dear friend here, inspiring woman actually, who lives in grand-central station for women and neighbors visiting and who also home schools her 5 children. She says herself that she thrives on chaos and loves cooking for 20+ people. Isn't that amazing? I manage chaos, or maybe more accurately I survive chaos but the idea of thriving on it is a wonder to me. Laura, you know I could only be talking about you. I'm so thankful that there are people like Laura in this world - particular in Kurganteppa, Tajikistan. That said, I'm also thankful for these wonderful moments that I get to be in a quiet, peaceful house w/o any nagging thoughts about who I haven't visited or what needs to be cleaned. Sure, there are multiple loads of dirty laundry to do and other things I probably "should" do but in this moment, I am basking in the peace of letting all that go and soaking up a bit of time to myself. I say this knowing that someday my kids will be grown, out of the house and maybe I'll think it's too quiet but for now I'm the mom of small kids and appreciate every quiet moment I can get. I read an interesting statistic recently that on average, preschoolers make 3 demands/requests a minute - a MINUTE. Just food for thought :) Here's to hoping that you all get a peaceful moment today.