HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

 It's Thursday November 25th here in KT (our city) and I'm thinking about all of you loved ones who will be waking up in a few hours to celebrate Thanksgiving. I hope it's a rich, full, sweet time for everyone and that no one explodes (see my previous post regarding that) :) We will be celebrating Thanksgiving on Saturday at our German friends' house - isn't it nice that they open their home for our American holiday? There are 4 other Americans that we are friends with in our city and we are all spear-heading Thanksgiving. We even got a turkey. In addition to our dear German friends, there will be three families from Finland and one Brit. Living here, it's easy to be thankful. I found myself thankful for many seemingly small things the last few weeks. Bananas - that we can get them in Central Asia is awesome, that we can afford these decadent treats is another blessing. They are roughly 50 cents a piece right now here (which most people would say is expensive) and any kid would gladly receive a banana over any kind of candy most days of the week. Toilet paper - we mostly have the eastern block/Soviet times toilet paper - you know rough, brown recycled (maybe?) stuff - closer to cardboard than paper in my opinion. There are lots of families that can't afford t.p. and plenty of others (particularly in the more outer-lying areas) that just don't use it - they've never developed the habit of using it and instead use water or sand or rocks (I won't go into the specifics of that). That said, I'm also thankful to be able to buy some of the soft white kind too - you know, for a special luxury sometimes :) I'm SUPER thankful for nice neighbors and plenty of them. I never need to feel cooped up inside because there are also women to visit with somewhere close by. There are frequently even other kids who will play with my kids so I can talk to some ladies without being interrupted every 2 minutes. There are a few grocery items that I've recently found (or found with more consistency) that I'm so happy about: brown rice and wheat flour (this granola girl couldn't be more thrilled). Nodira - our house helper and friend. She makes life so much more enjoyable with her help around the house, her cooking ideas and her suggestions. She also taught me how to make good yogurt - yay! Jamila - who I refer to as Super Woman because I really don't think there is anything this woman can't do (and do with a smile and good humor, I might add) and I'm particularly thankful that she's going to make peanut butter for us with some consistency. We can't buy it here and with little kids and so much bread it's so nice to have but it's quite the messy endeavor making it (skinning the peanuts is the kicker). Of course, I'm immensely thankful for our family and dear friends. I still pinch myself when I think about all of you because I just can't believe how RICH in relationships we are! Seriously, we must be in the top 1% of the world - I don't know how you'd measure wealth in relationships but I'm sure we're up there. Thank you for supporting us as we follow our calling/dream living cross-culturally. Not everyone gets to do something like this during their lifetime and we are thankful we get to and recognize it would be so much more difficult without your support and encouragement (even from those of you who still think we're crazy and who swear you'll never understand why we are here - the fact you still feel that way and are still encouraging us means so much to us - thank you!). We thank God for you all regularly and will continue to. We are also so thankful for the reason we live and the hope that we have in Christ Jesus. That lens on this life makes us feel extra thankful for just about everything.
Here are some random pics of the last few weeks.

        Hannah and Emmett with a friend, Sayora, in their toy box.

 Hannah and one of our Tajik nieces, Sabrina, on Eidi Qurbon, going from house to house getting candy.

             Emmett eating a cookie Nodira made.

   Me, with two friends - Valuyat and Dilafruz (not to be confused with my Tajik sister Dilafruz).

Hannah and Emmett wearing some of the new jammies Grandma sent. Hannah didn't waste any time taking off her clothes and putting on jammies when we got the package. That's something else I'm thankful for - the generosity of our families and friends in sending us packages and the 7/7 track record we've had in receiving them. We never expected to be able to receive packages with any degree of predictability but we've been pleasantly surprised.

A Few Pictures

I thought I had posted these pictures. They are from a month ago - Eidi Ramazon - the day after Ramadan ends. What do you think people do after a month of fasting? You guessed it - they eat! In the morning we went out to the village of our Tajik family so the kids could do a version of trick or treating w/ their "cousins." Then we went from house to house, neighborhood to neighborhood and ate our way through the day. My family told me in all sincerity that they know people who have exploded on Eidi Ramazon from eating so much after not eating very much. I told them I didn't believe them and they pointed to another guest and said, "SHE exploded!" and the lady offered to show me the scar from her operation to sew her back together. I declined. Anyway, no worries, no one we know exploded :) Just thought some pictures of Hannah and Emmett may be in order.

Pro Choice, but not the way you think...

My Tajik sister, who I'll just call D (so I don't keep writing her name over and over) is pregnant - for the sixth time. She has 5 daughters ranging in age from 8 months to 13 yrs. Baby #6 is due almost exactly a year from the birth of her current baby. As you probably know from my previous posts, it's really not favorable to have daughters, though any mother will tell you that daughters are a special gift to a mother in how helpful and responsible they are. In short, sons bring daughter-in-laws into the family and daughters get married off into other families. Sons work (ideally) and help provide for the whole family and daughters are working in the home of their in-laws. So there are some really practical reasons why couples want at least one son. Most problems are put on the women (it's all their fault, right?). To the point where the local family of a friend of ours influenced their son to divorce his wife right after their second baby died. Their first one had died a few years ago and just a few weeks ago their new 3 month old died. I'm just guessing from maybe a congenital heart defect - probably even operable in the developed world, but not even a thought toward something like that here. What do you think happened after the baby died? Was the grieving mother comforted? Nope. She was ridiculed and bad-mouthed and two days before the big holiday we just had, ending Ramadan, her husband divorced her (which, by the way, is done by him simply saying, "I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you." I'm not joking.) Can you imagine?

Returning to my sister, D. Her husband isn't around very much. He's in Russia working. There just aren't many jobs here so most men leave for some amount of time to Russia or Kazakhstan for work. She's living in the village with her in-laws (our Tajik family, the place where we lived our first month here) and her five daughters - who I must add are each so beautiful. Her youngest was born this past January (I'm pretty sure I blogged about that) and at birth was named, Madina. After 4 months, her dad renamed her Istatoi, which more or less means "stop." He said it was because this must be the end of the girls and the beginning of the boys. I was surprised to hear there would be more because D had told me that 5 kids were plenty. Sure enough, she immediately gets pregnant again, her husband leaves for Russia and she's asking me how early she would be able to know the gender of the baby. I told her sometime around 5 months, even 4 1/2. They (she and our family) insisted that in Tajikistan (even using OLD ultrasound equipment) that they can tell at 2 months. Well, she's 3 1/2 months now and has been to 5 ultrasounds so far and 2 of them said it looks like it may be a girl and the other 3 said they couldn't tell, it was too early. Her husband promptly said, "don't take a chance, just abort it."Of course, he's never even really been around for one of her whole pregnancies, let alone known what it felt like to have a life inside you and he's in Russia so it's not difficult for him to just order her on the phone to abort the baby. D's mother-in-law and father-in-law (our mom & dad here) are saying, "our son is being bad. He doesn't understand. All children are a gift from God. We'd be happy if they had 10 girls." D, is concerned that he'll take a second wife (you know, one that can give him some boys because it's all D's fault, right?) and is desperate for me to help her abort the baby. I told her that I love her so much, that we would raise her baby girl as our own if our governments would allow it, that I hurt for her but that I would have no part in aborting her baby. That our hearts would be sick and sad forever and that all life is precious to God. I'm writing all of this because coming from Portland, you are considered close-minded and right-wing if you aren't pro-choice - that's obviously a generalization, but the Portlanders all understand, don't you? Well, I am a different kind of pro-choice here. I wish a woman could choose to keep her baby, even if it's a girl. I wish a husband didn't have the right to just command a woman to abort their baby. It really puts a different spin on the idea of a woman's right to choose. 

I really hope that someday I can blog about something good that happened in this situation. We're praying, we're trying to be there for D and our family. I've even asked about adoption, but apparently foreigners aren't allowed to adopt Tajik children. I have to look into this some more and figure out if that's the law or what. If you think about it, would you pray for her (or think good thoughts or whatever you do) too? I wish she was the exception, but unfortunately there are countless women like her in this country. 

This picture is a recent picture of Hannah helping her Tajik grandma (D's mother-in-law) peel veggies for the holiday, Eidi Ramazon. She calls her "moma" which means grandma. I'm really happy to say that moma loves girls :)

Thailand and the end of summer (hopefully)

How many times did I think to myself, "I really need to update our blog" or "I should blog about this" but alas the opportune time never matched my intentions. So here's an update on the end of July until now-ish.
We were very busy at the end of July, both seeing off our friends and teammates who were going back to the states or elsewhere and preparing to leave for 4 weeks to Thailand ourselves. I hadn't anticipated how exhausting it would be to leave, I had only thought about how wonderful it would be to be in a more developed country where we could get some rest and perspective on our lives here. We managed to visit with (almost) everyone we wanted to see prior to leaving - thank God - it truly was a minor miracle, as well as get packed, get our house in order and all that kind of work. You can read the previous entry to hear about how our actual travelling went, suffice it to say it was memorable and if we manage to forget it someday - we may be better for it :)
We went to Chiang Mai, Thailand and our first week there we stayed at a wonderful resort for people in our line of work that was sooooo peaceful - a real mom's vacation too. They do all the cooking and meals are at designated times (no need to have to decide what to eat, when and where) and they also do all your laundry - aaaaaah (can you hear the angel chorus?). There were big toys for the kids, a great family pool, even an indoor play area right in the dining room so when the kids were done eating they could go play while the adults finished their meal. I'm telling you, these people have thought of everything! It was so encouraging for us to spend time with other people who are doing what we are doing all over the world and great for Hannah & Emmett to play with some kids who also speak English and who understand living in another country than their country of citizenship. We were blessed to spend time with a couple who had been working in Thailand for 45 yrs. Their stories and gentle wisdom were a great encouragement to us (here's to you, Alan & Maelynn!). It was so helpful to bounce ideas off other families in regards to parenting issues and such. We spent a lot of that first week just swimming and sleeping. We didn't realize how exhausted we were. Our second week we went to our company's conference at a different hotel in Chiang Mai and what a wonderful gift it was to be able to be at this conference! We were encouraged - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually as well as physically and came away with some great new friendships and an even greater sense of thankfulness for our company. The last day of our conference, we had a very special guest join us - Rees' mom, Nan (or Nanu to the grandkids). Hannah went with Rees to the airport to meet her and says that Nan cried she was so happy and that Hannah too was almost in tears she was so happy to see her Nanu. Even Emmett recognized her from our Skype calls and was super excited when he saw her. Our next 13 days were spent back at the first resort we stayed at, Nanu staying with us, and we had a fantastic time of sharing, laughing, crying and just all-around fun and rest. Rees and I got to spend some time together just the two of us - which was a welcome treat. We got to sit at a coffee shop and drink iced-coffees and talk - totally uninterrupted! We also got to go to a movie together and best of all - we got to go up into the rain forest and do a zip-line adventure together. I'll tell ya, letting all that adrenaline loose and laughing and screaming was good for our souls - highly recommend it. I think if Nan had not joined us, 4 weeks would have been just right to refresh us to come back to Tajikistan but since Nan was with us, the time felt too short. Of course, there may not have been any amount of time that would have seemed long enough :) Thanks so much for joining us, Nan!
There were many "normal" things we took advantage of while in Thailand and were so thankful for the professionalism and affordability. It was so nice to get to the dentist - Hannah even went for the first time and she did so well, have good medical facilities close by and be able to take the kids to a pediatrician, get some shopping done and just enjoy some "developed" things that we don't have access to here. On the top of my list were the rain storms in which our electricity didn't go out. Here, many times rain means no electricity and for us, no electricity means no running water either so this Pacific NW girl finds myself longing for rain and once it comes, wishing it would be over. I can't tell you how great it felt to be in such a temperate climate - rarely, if ever, getting over-heated. I feel like I live in a pretty consistent state of being overheated here (at least from May til September with a few sporadic days in March and April) and I felt so thankful every day to just feel pretty comfortable. Some other highlights were the Night Safari - beautiful grounds and we had never been so close to so many different animals and seen them so active. It was the most low-stress zoo-type thing we'd ever done and if you're ever in ChiangBuatong if anyone's familiar with the area - and played in the water and then climbed up the water falls. It wasn't as daring as it may sound, it was just fun. The falls were a nicely graded slope of limestone and the water originates from a spring that is apparently high in Magnesium. The Magnesium reacts with the limestone making the surface of the limestone more like a fine pummous rock so you don't slip and you crawl up. Thanks to the Hubers for taking us along on the adventure.

We arrived back in Tajikistan two weeks ago now and have been pleasantly surprised by the decently smooth transition back. The kids are adjusting better than ever and we are experiencing a lot of grace to get back in the rhythm of life (minus the ol' tummy troubles). It's great to reconnect with our neighbors and our Tajik family and friends as well as the other foreigners here. I feel more grace to just lower my expectations of myself for each day and take advantage of visits with neighbors as they are available instead of trying to make so much happen. Hannah and Emmett, though siblings they are, seem to be able to play with each other better these days as well as play with their toys for longer (I love legos! Even the cheapo low-end Chinese ones!). There's always so much to be thankful for and we are so thankful for the rest and refreshing we got to experience that seems to be making it a little easier to be here. Hope this entry can be a reminder to whoever is reading that even when you think you're doing well, make a point of taking a break and getting some rest and doing something refreshing. You may be surprised at how much better the "mundane" things of life are afterward.

Oh the places we'll go (and the ways we'll get there)

I thought I had posted this while we were in Thailand, but apparently not. My apologies. I must say that our return travel to Tajikistan went much better, though we still had to pick up all of our luggage at all 4 airports along the way. China Southern was a decent airline, it was just travelling through China in general that was the hassle - no offense to our dear Chinese friends :)


We are so happy to finally be in Thailand. It was a bit of a rough go getting here but as these things go, now that we’re here it doesn’t seem like it was that bad.  In Tajik, travel or journey is called “safar” cool huh? Sounds like safari. Our safar started Saturday night as a friend picked us up in Kurgonteppa and drove us up to his house in Dushanbe. We got to Dushanbe around 8:30pm and had dinner together and attempted to put the kids down to sleep for a bit. Emmett was the only one who slept (maybe 1 1/2 hrs) before we went to the airport at 11:30pm.  The Dushanbe airport is pretty small and bare bones. We went through a bunch of security lines and checking of our passports and all that before we reached the ticket counter and got our boarding passes. Everyone was pretty nice to us to that point but then the ticket counter guys told us we couldn’t gate check our stroller and insisted that we had to check it.  I asked them multiple times if our stroller would be waiting for us at our first stop (Urumqi, China). They insisted that yes it would be there. They also informed us that they could only check our luggage to Urumqi and that we’d have to pick it up there (boo for that).  We were disappointed by all of that but as things go in Tajikistan, there was nothing we could do about it. Then we went to another immigration control line (by this point Hannah and Emmett are starting to melt-down) and they asked us why we didn’t have the little piece of paper that we were given when we first entered the country. We asked them how we were supposed to know that we should have that paper and told them that the officials had only given us two papers for all four of us anyway. They said, “you’ll have to go back to KT and get your papers” (mind you this is completely unrealistic to do and actually get on our flight). At this point Hannah starts pulling down her pants and screaming that she has to go potty and she starts pulling off the “night time diaper” we’d put on her, screaming, “I don’t want a diaper! Take it off! Take it off!” This screaming wakes up Emmett who immediately starts screaming too. I looked at the official and asked what he wanted us to do and said that he knew that we couldn’t get to KT to get our papers and that we had to get to our flight. Rees effectively told them that this was not his mistake, that it was theirs’ to which they confidently responded, “no, it’s your problem.” H & E are still screaming and I’m trying to keep some clothes on Hannah. The officials are saying, “what should we do?” which is essentially asking for a bribe. Finally one of the guys, practically yelling over the kids’ screaming, tells me I can go through. Of course there’s another line with more security (real secure too, I didn’t have my passport or anything b/c Rees had it and I just told the guy, “you’ll know who my husband is when you see him. Can I take my daughter to the toilet?” to which he said, “fine.”) We actually made friends with another couple who were moving from Dushanbe to Cambodia. They had a baby and 3 yr old too and he was going to be a professor at a university there. Rees eventually paid the guys 20 sum (about $4) and they let him go.  This couple couldn’t believe that Rees had to pay the guys to let us through. Eventually we got on the plane and arranged for our seats to be together (since they weren’t ticketed that way) and took off around 1:30am – kids still screaming until they fell asleep for the last hr of our flight. Once we arrived in Urumqi our stroller, of course, was not there so we schlepped kids and bags to customs where we found that they expected us to have visas. Their website clearly says that a visa is not needed if you are only transiting through China and not leaving the airport and our travel agent had confirmed that but apparently they had a different idea. So we waited in all kinds of other lines and got taken back to some waiting area where people kept taking our passports and talking to other people. We don’t know Chinese or Russian so we were sort of out of luck as far as understanding what was happening or being able to communicate. Of course, Hannah didn’t have to use the potty when we got off the plane but waiting in that line she suddenly had to go so I begged someone to let us use a toilet. They led me to what appeared to be a staff bathroom and Hannah started yelling, “it’s stinky in here! I don’t want to go potty in here!” They were the squatty potties (which we also have in T-stan) but she decided she didn’t want to go in there but she’d told me 10 times that she really had to go. She started crying again and Emmett (strapped to me with our baby carrier) woke up and started crying.  I tried to help her so that she wouldn’t have to stand on the potty but she started screaming, flailing, kicking and insisting that she didn’t have to go anymore, all the while Emmett is screaming too and I want to join them but at the same time I’m thinking, “I wish I could laugh right now because I’m pretty sure I’ll laugh about this later.” I was a terrible mommy and looked at Hannah with desperation and said, “Hannah, you are making mommy go crazy! PLEASE go pee pee!” Didn’t work. We ended up back out in the waiting area, all the people who had just flown in from Dubai and Tehran, just watching us. Rees decided to just put a diaper on Hannah right then and there, which got a lot of funny looks but what were we to do? Eventually they gave us more papers to fill out and we went on to the next line where we encountered the same problem and ended up waiting again. It was another ticketing counter where we were re-checking our bags and poor Hannah just laid down on that linoleum floor, in the middle of swarms of people and started to fall asleep. There was not a single other blond-headed girl in the whole airport so she was quite the attraction. Eventually we ended up getting on our flight but all of our seats were separated from each other (even Hannah’s – how can a 3 yr old get ticketed for her own seat, away from her parents, on an international flight?). We ended up only being able to get seats together in the very last row, with the very least legroom, on the longest flight of our safar. The kids eventually fell asleep (after more screaming, of course) and Rees and I did the ol’ nodding off, head-bobbing trick. You know, the I’m-too-uncomfortable-to-actually-stay-asleep-but-I’m-too-tired-to-stay-awake deal. Fortunately, the kids stayed asleep through most of the flight and we ended up making it to Guangzhou where things started to turn around for us. They still expected us to have visas but they were much quicker to accept the papers and stamps that we’d gotten in Urumqi and while we were trying to work out getting people to trade seats with us so we could sit together (or at least so that Hannah would be sitting with one of us) a very kind flight attendant arranged for us to have a whole bulk-head row all to ourselves.  It was a world of difference from our previous flight. Hannah and Emmett fell asleep again and Rees and we had a pretty peaceful flight to Bangkok. Once in Bangkok we found our way to baggage claim to go through customs before our flight to Chiang Mai but alas, our bags didn’t make it to Bangkok. The friendly people from Thai Airways helped us and assured us that our bags would be found and sent to us in Chiang Mai and with an hour before we needed to board our flight we found ourselves sitting in Starbucks for the first time in 9 months. It was amazing. Hannah was still having a hard time not screaming but Rees’ and my attitudes (and headaches) changed for the better after a few cups of REAL coffee. Actually, I had an iced vanilla latte – wow! Couldn’t believe how good that tasted.  So at least Hannah was the only one throwing fits after that, instead of all 4 of us J Our flight to Chiang Mai was uneventful and we arrived at the Juniper Tree without further incident at 11pm and wonder-of-wonders, we all slept straight through the night and woke up to beautiful, peaceful tropical surroundings, warm, hospitable people who are in the same line of work we are, great food and super-duper family-friendly amenities. It’s nothing fancy for Western standards but for us coming from Central Asia, it’s a little piece of heaven.  So far we’ve been swimming every day, multiple times a day, reading, letting the kids play outside, taking naps and connecting to the great people who are also staying here. Although we enjoy talking about what we do, it’s so nice to be somewhere where we don’t have to explain why we are doing what we are doing because everyone here understands already. There are lots of little kids for Hannah & Emmett to play with and our baggage even made it to Chiang Mai the morning after we arrived. We still don’t have our stroller but 5 out of 6 isn’t too bad. So though I think I’d rather have a different travel plan if we come here again; we made it, we’re all doing great, we’re looking forward to our conference next week and seeing Nan the following weeks and we are pretty darn blessed. If you’ve made it to the end of this entry, I applaud you. This one was definitely mostly for me to rant but I appreciate you hanging in there with me. As with most things in life, in hindsight – it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. 

A Different Kind of Wealth

Tajikistan is the poorest of the former Soviet Republics. I don’t know how that’s all worked out (whether that’s income per capita versus cost of living or employment rates or what) but I must say that it is rich in so many other areas that really are more important to quality of life. I’m thinking about this today because yesterday the electricity cut out for about 3 hours in the late afternoon/evening and it was HOT. Hannah and Emmett woke up from their naps just after Rees came home and they were sweaty and hot (no AC, no fans, no running water when the electricity is out and temps are well over 100 these days with humidity still in the air). Usually on Thursday evenings we eat an early dinner (or really late dinner) so that Hannah and I can go outside and visit with the women and children from about 6pm til dark (8:30 or 9). Rees stays home with Emmett because he goes to bed early. Because it was so hot in our apartment, Rees decided to go outside with us – which is a spectacle in and of itself since most of the men aren’t outside playing with children! Hannah and I found some neighbors who were cleaning up after canning about 30 jars of tomato sauce (which they had cooked outside over a fire – very typical). They welcomed us to their circle and we all talked about how hot it was and they told me about all they were canning and how it was better to can together and they wanted to make sure I understood that it’s a good time to can tomato sauce. All the while the little kids are happily running around playing, one of the women is nursing her baby, other neighbors are talking to us out their windows and we are all dripping sweat. After some laughs and making suggestions for what to make for dinner and where to get nectarines for the cheapest price, one of the women looked at me and said (more or less), “Tajikistan is naughty. No electricity, it’s hot, we’re sweating. America is better.” I answered this how I normally do, “yes, America almost always has electricity, but I think most Tajiks would be very sad there.” I went on to explain that most people live by themselves (with their own nuclear family if they have one) and there aren’t many women close by who sit outside taking a break from their work talking to each other. In fact, many neighbors don’t even know each other. They can’t even comprehend that it’s not unusual for neighbors to hardly say a word to each other in 20+ yrs of living next to each other. Here there is so much visiting, sharing and dividing work, “living off the land,” neighbor kids helping with smaller children, commitment to families, etc. It’s obviously no utopia here as dysfunction can be found on every front but I looked at this neighbor’s smiling, sweating face, looked at all her jars full of the spoils of summer to be eaten in winter, looked at the women around who had helped with the work and who were laughing with each other and I thought, “she probably doesn’t know how rich she really is.” I suppose that could be said of each of us.

Gaping Disparities

I am extremely happy to report that there is a public pool within a 5-minute walk (5 min w/ kids, stroller, towels, floaties, etc) of our apartment. It’s actually even a decent pool – good size, rectangle, water drained and pool cleaned once a week, fresh frigid mountain water added, even a little chlorine added for hygiene (at least I’m told there is a little chlorine in there – can’t smell it though). There’s no shallow area, but you can find different types of floaties pretty easily here (still haven’t found water wings). We can go swimming for the equivalent of 45 cents for our whole family (and I thought Portland Parks and Recreation was impressive!). Needless to say, we go to the pool often. It’s amazing that it can be somewhere in the range of 108 degrees and once we go swimming we get out and actually feel like it’s a pleasant temperature out. We are so thankful for this unexpected blessing of the pool close to our home.

The other day we were at the pool and I was struck by the disparity in expectations of modesty for men and women. There really aren’t any women who go swimming. It’s generally almost 100% men (until Hannah and I show up J). I always swim with huge shorts and t-shirt on over my swimsuit. Jenny says I look like a tomboy in my swim outfit. When I’m done swimming I very discretely put my kurta back on (the Tajik dress and pants we wear here) still over my swimsuit. Now the men on the other hand swim in their underwear and when they are done just strip naked on the side of the pool and get dressed. I also must mention that the pool isn’t walled in or anything, you can look in at it from the busy street. One of the main reasons that women don’t go swimming at the pool is that it’s not decent for them to do so. It’s only semi-permissible for me to go because I only go with my husband and kids, I wear this tom-boy swim outfit and I’m a foreigner so the expectations of me aren’t the exact same. But I’ll tell ya, some of these HOT days I think about how unfair it is that all these men just head to the pool and get cooled off and the women are stuck where they always are – at home working, sweating up a storm. I will confess that it has been satisfying to me to see the surprised look on some of these men’s faces when I step to the edge of the pool to jump in. I’m occasionally asked, with some degree of shock, if I’m able to swim. I love to point to Emmett and say, “Of course! I’ve been swimming since I was his age!” and then jump in. It compares to the looks we get when I’m with some of the other foreign women in a car with one of them driving (most women can’t drive).

I also want to not only lament the lot in life of most Tajik women, but also praise them for being absolutely AMAZING. Most 10 year-old girls here could probably teach what used to be home-ec in school.  Most women rise before the sun comes up, sweep their driveways, patios and yards, get breakfast started, often make dough for bread, serve their families breakfast, wash dishes, then sweep and clean every room of their home, including folding up the korpuchas they slept on. Most rooms in a Tajik home are spotless with very little inside. Seriously, a rug on the floor, maybe some sort of armoire or chest and possibly a TV. Then they start the mid-day meal, which is frequently hot, served with salad and bread and possibly fruit (candies, cookies and nuts and such if there are guests), do the dishes and clean that up and if they are lucky, they get to take a nap. I frequently see the women at this time of day cooking their bread in the tandoor or canning whatever is in season. They make jam, the equivalent of salsa, pickles, regular canned fruits, juice (or compote as they say) and whatever else they can think of (our Tajik family cans a lot of hot peppers). I also see them washing their family’s clothes either in the morning or at this after-lunch-time-of-day. Then they sweep outside again, make the evening meal (generally something simple), serve their families, clean up, put out their beds (korpuchas) get water heated up for their husbands (and once a week their kids) to take a bath and go to bed. Most of them also know how to sew and in the village they are also gardening, milking the cow and taking care of the chickens. Amazing. Now the men? If they are not working outside the home (the economy here stinks – if they heard our worst unemployment numbers in the states they would think we must have gotten our numbers mixed up – how could 12% unemployment be bad?). They get up when they feel like it, get served their breakfast, put on the clean clothes that are waiting for them, maybe do a few chores around the yard (fixing a roof, hoeing a portion of the garden, washing the car, etc), watch TV, eat lunch, take a nap, watch more TV, go out and hang out with their friends doing who-knows-what (Rees would have to fill in the blanks here) come back for dinner, sit around talking, maybe watch more TV, maybe go out with their friends again, take a bath and go to bed.

It’s for this reason that Rees is so intriguing and such an anomaly. He’s strong (i.e.: he doesn’t seem like a push-over, he’s a good soccer player and he can communicate with passion and conviction) but he also actually wants to help me with some household tasks, spend time with his kids, enable me to go out without the kids sometimes, and actually asks me what I think about certain things before he makes a decision. He even says thank you to me for everything I do for our family. I doubt that even 1% of Tajik women will ever be thanked by the men in their families for all the work they do in their lifetimes. If I pour Rees some coffee or tea he says thank you, most men here toss their cup to a woman and if they say anything, say, “pour me tea.” I’m so thankful for my husband and it’s amazing to me that he’s making a difference here just by treating me with respect and love.

Well, I’ve had this blog entry steeping in me for some time so there you have it. The next time you go swimming in a public swimming area – take a look at the ratio of men and women and think about us here in Tajikistan and the many other countries that are so similar (and even more conservative) all over the world.